You run.

You run because…

You run to be connected, so you share. Just love.
You run to be in solitude, so silence is your shadow. Just love.
You run with music to lift you up. Just love.
You run without music to be organic. Just love.
You run to meet your goal. Just love.
You run just to run. Just love.
You run to feel accomplished. Just love.
You run to feel free. Just love.
You run a short distance, and question the length. Just love.
You run a long distance, and question the sprint. Just love.

You run.

That makes you a runner.

How you attack your craft is a reflection of who you are.  We each are different, as a gift from God.

Just love.

So what gives? How do we determine if a runner is going to struggle out here or if they are going to float across the pavement?

For me I feel there are two major determining factors: endurance base and training. Both Bill & Clark have done their fair share of marathons prior to signing up for the Relay. That’s not to say you have to be a marathon runner to do this; I certainly wasn’t before I ran the country, and Chellie & Michelle both ran their FIRST full marathon mileage on day-one of their segment. But I do feel that prior endurance training definitely helps. Simply running the distance isn’t enough. Without proper training running a marathon is doable but likely very painful during and in the aftermath.

If you check out the marathon and ultramarathon running scene you’ll likely see more middle-to-older aged individuals than twenty-something’s toeing the line. As a body continues running year after year, adding more miles, those miles count. Those miles are an endurance base. Though I wasn’t a marathon runner before my crossing I had been running literally my whole entire life so that made for a pretty wide endurance base at a younger age. If you’re new to running that’s not to say you can’t do this event, but it does mean that training is all that more important (though really training is important no matter who you are and how wide your endurance base is…).

Training is the hard part if you do it right. Training is the time alone out on the road when no one is watching; likely crack-of-dawn early or after-dinner-late when the last thing you want to do is train. Training is time, literally, just time on your feet moving forward in that methodical rhythmic running motion. For ultras you can do speed work to keep up your fitness level, but back-to-back hours on consecutive days without concern of pace is a must. Training needs to be done when you’re motivated, and done when you are completely mentally drained. Training is done in every weather system, rain or shine, snow or sleet. Training needs to be done when all your family and friends are doing something cooler and more relaxing. Training is done months in advance before the excitement of the event even grazes your schedule. Training is the hard part.

I find it amusing that though the Relay and each runner’s segment seems like it would be the ultimate effort, in actuality the true effort and example of their dedication is displayed at home, among work-life, family-life, and social-life, when they lace up their shoes and head out for a run with no one to cheer them on but their own ambition.

If you want to know what I think you should be doing with your life, if you’re on the right track, just ask me…I’ll tell you…er, in the past, don’t ask me and I’ll likely tell you anyways. It’s been most apparent, and abrasive, with people I love. It’s the people that I love that I want to be the happiest, so when I see a pattern that is creating unhappiness that can be altered by changing their path, then I’ve been direct and even admit about prompting change. I’ve been pushing. I’ve been a know-it-all.

God has been changing my heart bit-by-bit though (thankfully!). I can’t say that I won’t share my opinions and suggestions in the lives of those that I love, but I’m learning; what’s more impactful? Telling someone how to change? Or supporting them through their unhappiness, leading by example, and gently nudging them towards change?

I move quickly. If I pin-point an unhappy course in my life I am quick to analyze and change my direction. I’m learning that this can be both a positive attribute and a negative one. Some courses need to be changed immediately (like when you find out your boss has been screwing you out of what you’ve earned for years…find along job now!), and some things need time before action is taken (like in loving relationships).

But mostly I’m learning that what’s good for me is not necessarily what will be good for the lives of those that I love. We are each at different development and growth stages, and what’s most important is to just love those that we love so they can know that no matter what we are there to support them.

It’s much easier to tell someone what they should be doing. The difficult path is to lovingly support and guide them until they are ready for change. And I’ve found that the most difficult path, at times, can be the most rewarding.

This past week we remember greatly how strong love can actually be. Many things are happening in the lives of the relay runners, but this week I find a similarity in Michelle’s story (our current runner) and my story..the thing that ties them together is love. Michelle was unable to finish her weekend miles due to Rhabdomyolysis, which is a rapid breakdown of muscles. Doctors had strictly told her she was unable to run until Monday or else she would be starting dialysis or worse, her kidney’s would start failing. Michelle’s husband Justin, without another thought jumped in and explained how he wanted to finish her weekend miles for her. Together they would be team Jacobi. Why? Because he loves her. Love is the driving force.

Now my story is a little different. First I was able to not only witness, but be apart of mine and Ashley’s cousin Krystal wedding and watch her get married on Saturday. It was a beautiful wedding to say the least, which is drivin’ by love. Ashley was unable to attend as she is with our relay runners, which shows incredible love and dedication to this relay run. She is sacrificing 6 months of her life because she loves her dreams enough to make them happen.

But I was also reminded of a different kind of love this past week, the love of a furry child. For those of you who know me, my kitty Meemoo is one of thee most important things in my life. I love that cat so much and he truly makes me life brighter by just being in it. I have loved and cared for him for the past 7 years, and I have loved every minute of it. On Tuesday night however, my little man would not stop throwing up, and on top of that had stopped eating or drinking. I took him to the vet on Wednesday as soon as I could, which was not until the afternoon. Long story short, after the doctor finding a mass on his stomach and fearing it could be cancer we took action. I love that cat so much, I was not ready to give him up…so I allowed the vet to do emergency surgery on him. As emotional as this was for me, my boyfriend who was in OK for a work trip assured me we would do whatever it took to get him better. Which is quite a step seeing as how him and my cat aren’t necessarily the best of buds. But he said it why? Because he loves me. Love is the driving force. After surgery was completed, we found out that Meemoo had swallowed a long black string that was wrapped around his intestines and stomach. They removed the string and he is recovering nicely. The doctor that did his surgery and owns the vet I took him to is an absolute saint. She worked with me every single step of the way and even allowed me to work out a payment plan. She did this because of her love for animals.

I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am to her for saving my kitty, for Krystal and Jordan to get married, and for Michelle to be okay and have her husband step in and tackle her miles. Love is all around us…I am reminded of this now more than ever. So when you wake up tomorrow morning, or when you get home from work..take a moment to tell the ones you love how much they mean to you. Say “I love you” as often as you can. Life is too short, and in the blink of an eye it all might be gone. Let love make the world go round.

]]> http://www.msruntheus.com/above-all-love-each-other-deeply/feed/ 0 http://www.msruntheus.com/real-love/ http://www.msruntheus.com/real-love/#comments Sun, 19 May 2013 15:58:24 +0000 ashleyk http://www.msruntheus.com/?p=1689 I awoke suddenly with a loud “BANG BANG BANG” on my RV door. I could hear the rain pattering off of the roof and I could tell it was still early in to the night because it was pitch black out and I was in a deep sleep. I scrambled to find a flashlight in the dark and stumbled to the door in my pj’s. As I contemplated opening my RV door in the middle of the night on the side of a Utah highway I acknowledged to myself that there could be one of three things on the other side: my roadside camping mates Michelle & Justin, a state trooper, or someone with an intent to harm me. I prayed for the first as I unlocked my door and shined my flashlight right at eye level of the knocker. Justin quickly turned his head and shielded his eyes as I purposefully blinded him, “Something’s wrong with Michelle…I have to take her to the hospital right now!” That was all the information he offered.

I immediately envisioned her violently ill, puking, or without the function of her body lying limply on their RV bed. I had no clue as to what could be wrong, but this is where my mind went. “Okay, I’ll get dressed quickly! We’ll take the car!” I replied as I hurried back in to my RV. I got ready as quickly as possible, grabbing my clothes, a rain coat, purse, water, and a book. I sensed this would be no quick trip to the ER.

I jumped from my RV towards theirs to help Justin with my envisioned life-less Michelle in to my car. As I entered their cabin I turned to my left to see her quietly and neatly sitting on the edge of their bed. What the hell? I thought. She looked perfectly fine. Michelle then started to describe her illness symptoms to me and my blood pressure lowered as my mind immediately went to elevation sickness. I let her continue talking until she told me she had done some research and had come to the conclusion of elevation sickness, to which I immediately agreed. I didn’t want to brush it off as no-big-deal as she was visibly concerned and worried, so I didn’t hesitate to load her into the car and take her to the hospital. At this altitude (6,600 ft) I couldn’t imagine elevation sickness being life-threatening unless the party was violently puking or experiencing fluid in the lungs, but I am no expert and would much rather drive an hour through the night at 1AM to find my runner is safe, then to say “suck it up” and pay the price.

I am so very thankful the divine guidance I received to not brush off the symptoms because her diagnosis ended up being very different and very life-threatening. After a few hours in the ER it was found through blood scans and urine tests that Michelle was experiencing “Rhabdomyolysis” which is the rapid breakdown of muscle tissue that produces a toxic byproduct for the kidneys. If left untreated it can lead to dialysis, days in the hospital, and possibly kidney failure. Eeeks! After her first marathon on day 1, and an ultramarathon on day 2, it seems the Michelle was overworking her muscles to the point where they were rapidly breaking down, and she wasn’t drinking enough fluids to flush her system of the toxic myoglobin byproduct.

Michelle is quiet the strong-willed spirit and it didn’t take long for the doctor to recognize that she was interested in correcting this ailment as quickly as possible so she could resume her MS Run the US ultramarathon activity. After MUCH discussion, IV fluids, and tests to prove that her blood was returning to normal, the ER doctor released Michelle with the understanding she would do no activity over the weekend (which, by the way, he did have to specifically define for her as “nothing more than moiling around the house” because biking to her was considered “no activity”…), and may resume her segment on Monday IF she visited a clinic to test her blood to confirm all of her levels had returned to normal AND if she pushed fluids and made sure to pee every hour.

In the meantime, Justin, Michelle’s loving husband offered to step in and cover her weekend mileage. As a default I have the confidence that I can and will run any miles that these Relay runners are unable to do due to illness or injury, but Justin wanted to do this for Michelle as a team effort. I could think of no other analogy more beautiful than a married couple approaching life and set-backs with a teamwork mentality. Tears welled up in Michelle’s eyes as she looked at her husband and said, “You would want to do that?”. I could tell it meant the world to her, and I could see that Justin wanted nothing more than to help her fulfill her purpose out here.

It’s still apparent to me that when her blood levels test normal, Justin and I have our job cut out for us holding Michelle back to an easier pace than she had set for herself on day 1 out here. Rhabdomyolysis is something that I will not take lightly so I intend to watch her like a hawk.

Though Michelle was grateful for Justin’s effort on her part, she was visibly disappointed she would not be fulfilling the miles she had intended. She felt both burdened and guilty. But as I said to her with a hug, “MS Run the US has never been about personal athletic achievement. It’s about love. I ran for the love of my mom, we run for the love of those living with MS, and now Justin is out there because he loves you. Don’t let your personal goals shadow what this is about.”

We’re running farther to serve others, and to do so that takes teamwork!

I do tend to chuckle to myself when people ask, “So, what do you do all day?” or “Enjoy your day off!” It would be difficult to know unless you did something like this, but in a cross-country running adventure there is little time-off. I honestly 100% don’t mind and don’t even think twice about it because I knew what to expect and I love what I’m doing. Expectations and passion are two things I lean heavily on out here.

Just for the sake of it though, I thought I’d share what my days tend to be like. First, each runner is different. For example, Adam of Segment 3 liked to start running by 4:30-5AM, so I was up by 3:30AM every day to make breakfast and get the food and supplies packed for the day’s run. Packing the food and drinks is like packing for a picnic every single morning. I load the cooler up with ice packs and various cold drinks. I over pack and always bring too much of everything because generally speaking with ultrarunning you never known what the runner’s body will want to fuel with to get through the miles. Same goes for food; I bring anything and everything I can think the runner might want or need over the next 26-miles. Adam liked to be left alone for miles at a time so if he felt “good” he’d tell me to drive ahead 6-miles. If he needed short-term goals I’d drive ahead 2-3 miles. At each stop I’d have his requested fuel, and by the end of his run I would have already made his post-workout smoothie and prepared ice for his knees and calfs. We also did a lot of roadside camping. Because of his early starts it was easier and more efficient to just sleep where he finished his miles for the day. We didn’t know it at the time, but the solitude of his segment and the back-to-back nights of roadside camping, actually left us both feeling more lonely then either of us expected. We were grateful for the remedy of a small town with a delicious diner.

Robin was different for her segment so I switched gears to accommodate her style. Robin isn’t a “morning” person so an early run for her was scheduled some time around 7AM or 8AM and usually didn’t get underway until 8:30-9AM. I am a morning person so I woke up at 5AM to go for a run, of which I was always back in plenty of time to make her a smoothie and Spark for breakfast before packing up the cooler and food supplies. Robin didn’t carry any hydration with her so I’d stop every 2-miles to make sure she had the fluid and fuel she needed. Her stomach, the elevation, and the stress of the miles were causing her to feel nauseous so my job was to hand her food until she ate something. Robin also came with a whole crew of people (nine total), and the contrast was so significant from the solitude of Adam’s segment that I couldn’t help but want to be around her team every chance I got. I certainly enjoyed the company and entertainment, but I think we would all agree that Robin’s 5-days felt like 5-months and that each of us were exhausted by the time she finished her segment. My days were filled with constant crewing, driving, fueling, filming, and dinners every night with the team. Again, it was so very awesome to have such a team along, but there was little down-time for any of us.

Along with crewing the runner, I spend my time documenting, filming, interviewing, and updating throughout the week. Each night I take the footage and store it to one of my hard drives for review later. I cook for the runner and prepare as much in advance for them as I can. My goal is to make their job running, while my job is to take care of everything else. I know all too well the stress that these miles weigh on the body and mind, and I want their task to be as “simple” as possible…just keep running.

After each runner finishes their segment, I have have exactly one day to clean the RV, wash and change the linens, grocery shop, edit the film, upload their run in review, and scout the route for the following segment. This is by far my busiest and most “stressful” day of the week (though I put stressful in quotes because I’m not so much stressed as I am just hurried). In my spare time I also tend to emails and plan for big events ahead, like Denver and Chicago.

Each day is like Tetris to me. I have the must-have blocks that fit in to place, then I have all of the other blocks that I fit in where I can. The combination of how they fit from day-to-day changes. My days are unusual and a surprise. I love them.

I understand more than ever that this type of daily lifestyle really doesn’t suit for some people. I’ve done a lot of personal healing over these past 4-weeks, as I know I came on this journey with a few scars from my personal run across America. More than anything I want each of these runners to walk away from their segment with a personal running experience that they could never have imagined for themselves. I want them to think of me and say, “I was her Number 1 priority no matter what.”

This Relay is a team. I miss home, sometimes too much, but I also know that each of the runners are giving a lot just to be here as well. One of the things that is so special about this experience is that each of us on this team will walk away having been changed for the better. As Robin says: We are running to better versions of ourselves. I may not be running, but I am certainly becoming a better version of myself as I aid each runner. This experience is something that I am so extremely grateful for that I can’t express it at times. I do know I don’t need a day off when my days are so filled with an experience like this.

RV flat tire.

Robin ran her first 26.2-miles of her segment yesterday, and after a short run this morning we moved the crew forward to Fillmore, UT. On the drive just a few miles to the exit I heard a brief “pop”. I glanced at the 18-wheeler passing me to my left and hoped the noise was somehow from his rig.

Pulling safely in to the KOA campground I jumped out to check our tires. It took me all of a few seconds to find the glistening steel head of a giant nail pressed squarely in to the RV’s passenger side front tire. Damn.

But really, how upset could I be? It was just a tire and we safely arrived to our campground destination without blow-out on an interstate that boasts speed limits of 80 mph. It’s a Saturday, thank God, so luckily there’s a service center open and it shouldn’t be more than an hour before I can drive the RV out as good as new. Honestly, this fix does seem like small potatoes in comparison to the 4-day thousands of dollars repair that took place in Vegas on the axial. Every thing seems manageable compared to that!

So, for now, here I sit at the service center. But soon I’ll be back with my runner helping her complete her second day of marathons for the Relay, and that is pretty cool and well worth all of this effort out here!

We were both in a good mood after our per-scheduled move to Milford the day before after the generator ended up not working. [See "Wavering Believer" blog]. We drove the route in reverse in the dark morning hours and found that, despite the Google maps deception, it was surprisingly easy to navigate on both foot and wheels.  We got the break we were praying for with the route and Adam got his Yellow Brick Road.

Triple A was surprisingly difficult to work with.  “Where exactly are you?!?” they asked quizzically, “We can’t seem to locate your roads on our map.” After 25-minutes and a few dispatchers later they finally located my coordinates and promised to have a driver out shortly.  Minutes later a Cedar City tow company called.  Cedar City is more than 2-hours away.  Triple A seemed to have zero clue how to help me, but then again, who kills their battery 20-miles away from any town on back country dirt roads?

I chucked to myself and shook my head before I took matters in to my own hands and started calling around to the car repair shops in Minersville & Milford, UT.  Alas I not only located a jump, but so had Triple A (in a town near by!).  Not shortly after I knew help was on it’s way a white truck pulled up. I got out of my car and jumped with my hands in the air…like any typical stranded female would do.  The gentleman driver approached and rolled down his window, “You need help?”.  I laughed and said, “Yeeeeeah, I left my lights on and killed my battery. You got jumper cables?”  His reply, “I do! But if you don’t mind me asking, what the hell are you doing out here?” as he motioned with his hand to the vast open country side.  I looked over my shoulder to see a beat up wooden sign “Minersville 19-miles”.  He hopped out and got to work as I told him about our Relay run across America for MS.  His high school football coach has MS and is bound to a wheel chair with minimal use of his left side.  I told him about my mom and others that we’re running for.  With one try my car started.  I honked my horn as he yelled, “GOOD LUCK!”.

I caught back up with Adam and not long after he finished his run for the day.  He had some interesting stories of blessings that happened to him in our absence as well.

Back in Milford I decided to swing by a mechanic’s shop to ask about the generator.  I had asked at a gas station earlier and they seemed clueless.  I wasn’t worried yet, but getting the thing running was number one priority for me.  After a few minutes of speaking with the nice gentleman that approached me upon entering the lot, he said, “I can take a look now if now is good for you?”.  Yes sir, right now is always good for me.  Again, my mechanical troubles today were an easy fix.  He started it up and adjusted the elevation fuel intake valve until the puttering stopped.  It was running as good as new.  “Where you headed?” he asked.  I smiled, “New York” was my reply.  His eyes got big and he replied with excitement as I told him about our Relay and how we’d be heading in to the Rocky Mountains before crossing the Midwest plains and in to New York.  “Well then,” he said, “I best show you how to adjust this thing then!”

I got a tutorial on the generator and he shook my hand to say good luck.  He didn’t want to take any payment for his help since we were doing such a good thing for others.

So among many of the difficulties I’ve had to face with the RV and the Relay route, I am also beginning to remember all of the helpful people that we found when I ran across the country.  I certainly hadn’t forgotten, but we also hadn’t experienced the firm handshake of a kind stranger yet.  Milford has certainly changed that.  And as Adam said, “There’s a lot of mojo we’re getting here in Milford!”. I like mojo.  Bring it on!

I have that reminder on a travel mug I bought a few months back.  I have a strong and growing relationship with God, so yes I believe He has my best interest in mind.  Things have always worked out better in the past, so yes, I believe that the paths I’m on lead to things working on in the future as well.

Still, having the Faith I do, and some of the experiences I’ve had, I question sometimes “Why are You making this so hard for me?! WHY?”

What a silly little wavering believer that I am…

Adam has been an absolute rockstar for this Segment #3 of the Relay.  He’s logged mile after mile with the mellow demeanor of a true Cali boy.  He has truly been a pleasure to crew for.  For the most part, his segment route has given us little trouble as we followed highways through Nevada and in to Utah.  Nearing the end of his 26.2 miles yesterday we found ourselves at a sketchy back road; perfect for running, not so perfect for my low-clearance Camry.  We made a decision to have him run 15-miles solo this AM while I would meet him on the other end where the back road meets up with a more vehicle friendly, wide gravel road.  Still, the route into Milford from Google maps left me with unease.  I had been easily fooled before and I am having a difficult time trusting anything that isn’t a main road. Along with unease of the route, I was really missing home and the comforts of Aaron significantly.  I feel blessed to be on this adventure but I can’t help but also want the warmth and embrace of those that I love.

After Adam’s first 15 miles the road was wide and forgiving.  I sent up a quick “Thank you…and oh, by the way if You’re in a giving mood please let this be the type of road we have all the way to Milford, Amen” type of prayer.

Adam neared his last mile so I went to start up the generator to whip together his smoothie when all I got was a hard turn over and a putter-putter-putter.  The generator wouldn’t start. [Side note: for those of you non-RVers the only way to get electricity and running water while not hooked up to a source is the generator.  If that doesn't work, we're basically in a big car with couches and a bed.]

REALLY? REALLY GOD?!?! Why are you making this so hard??? Can’t something just work for ONE day? Please? Just give me a break!

After a few more tries, no luck, and a ham sandwich, Adam and I decided we would have to move the RV forward a day early to Milford, UT where he’ll be finishing on Wednesday.  A 2-hour drive was in our future if we wanted to have a hot meal and shower.  As we trudged down the road slowly but steadily, my mood lifted.  We were going some place.  We entered a legitimate paved highway and passed through towns that still had shops open and functional.  The closer we got to Milford, the lighter my mood got.  Safely in the city and set up nicely in their free RV park, I glowed as the RV came to life with electricity and running water. I stopped in the gas station. I talked to someone. I went to the library. I talked to more people. Adam and I taped some footage and scouted the route. It looked beautiful and drive-able. We went and ate greedily at the cute 50′s diner in town. It was excellent.  I was laughing and making jokes and was a drastically different person from the one earlier this morning, and even the one yesterday that missed home.

I suddenly realized that Adam and I, two very social people, had been literally road-side camping in the middle of nowhere desert towns for a week.  All either of us needed really was some civilization.  Sure, we were perfectly fine and accepting of our positions out on the open road, but personally I do feed off of interactions with other people.

Sitting at the diner Adam smiled at me and said, “Ya know…we wouldn’t be enjoying all of this right now if that generator had started…”

God -1, Ashley-1 (because when God’s in control, and you trust Him, you both win : ))

Every day I am reminded of how amazing people can be….whether it be my emails/blogs/posts from my fellow runners, new people I meet along my journey, or just by talking to my family. I realize how hard it must be for my mom to do every day activities most people take for granted. I am thankful for her fight, her faith, and everything she has ever taught me. I could not be more proud to be her daughter. But I am also thankful for someone who not always gets recognition, my dad. He has shown me what a man should be like when you stick by the one you love, by taking those vows “through sickness and in health” seriously. I am so grateful he has taken care of my mom for the past 30+ years. I truly could not ask for better parents…they have made it to every single cross country race, soccer game, basketball game, anything I have ever deemed important to me they have come. And it wasn’t always that easy, getting my mom out in the heat, finding places for them to go during races that would be easy for her to watch. They are always there for me to count on. So today I just want to say thank you mom and dad, thank you. I know those words will never be enough, but I want you to know how amazing I think you guys truly are and how blessed I feel to be your daughter.

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