S is for…
“That’s mine!” I thought to myself as I spotted my pen from church on a co-worker’s desk. I didn’t want to sound petty so I left the pen there as I continued my conversation with said co-worker, all while plotting in my head just how to retrieve my pen.
The pen isn’t special in the way that it writes, or even the type of ink. In fact, it writes in blue, which I dislike. The color of it’s casing is nice but not spectacular, and though it has a rubber grip, by all standards it’s an average pen. What I like most about it is the following: my church gave it out one Sunday during a sermon, it has His Word printed on the side, and it reminds me to think of God every time I write with it.
I concluded I would have to wait until my co-worker left their desk before I would rightful snag what was mine. Mine! I say.
While off buying my time the thought came into my head, “What am I thinking? That pen isn’t ‘mine’! I didn’t even buy it. It was given to me. And now it has a message of His Word on it and it’s floating around for all to touch and see and I am going to selfishly reclaim it as mine?!?!”
Unfortunately this is a tiny struggle for me. One of those little, nasty, flawed characteristic qualities that I was born with that I have to consciously fight against. Sharing. I remember growing up with my younger sister. She would ask to borrow something of mine and my effortless, immediate response was always, “No“. Mine. Because, after all, she would ruin it, or lose it, or use it and I wouldn’t know where it was and it was mine and it needed to be in my possession. Then off I would go leaving my sister empty handed.
Sure enough though I’d be back with requested item in hand, passing over my possession while saying, “Please take care of it, okay?“, because when left to my conscious I would always reason sharing even if it wasn’t my natural response. That was years ago and still today I find myself wanting to keep possessions as a natural response.
I think it’s okay to have flaws, like selfishness, in our personality. I think it’s better to be aware of our flaws. I think it’s best to not only be aware of them, but also accept them as part of us while working on decreasing their limitations. I accept that I am not perfect, and in accepting that while also acknowledging the areas I need to work on, I feel one step closer to being a better person while being at peace with who I am in this moment.
I find often it’s easy to beat ourselves up. Maybe it comes too easy at times. But we are only human. We can only be ourselves. We can only accomplish so much in a given amount of time.
My challenge is this: Be nice to yourself while challenging yourself to be better. You can only be you, BUT a better you is just one moment away : )
- by ashleyk
- posted at 3:08 PM
- January 22, 2013