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Wavering Believer

Lean not on your own understanding…

I have that reminder on a travel mug I bought a few months back.  I have a strong and growing relationship with God, so yes I believe He has my best interest in mind.  Things have always worked out better in the past, so yes, I believe that the paths I’m on lead to things working on in the future as well.

Still, having the Faith I do, and some of the experiences I’ve had, I question sometimes “Why are You making this so hard for me?! WHY?”

What a silly little wavering believer that I am…

Adam has been an absolute rockstar for this Segment #3 of the Relay.  He’s logged mile after mile with the mellow demeanor of a true Cali boy.  He has truly been a pleasure to crew for.  For the most part, his segment route has given us little trouble as we followed highways through Nevada and in to Utah.  Nearing the end of his 26.2 miles yesterday we found ourselves at a sketchy back road; perfect for running, not so perfect for my low-clearance Camry.  We made a decision to have him run 15-miles solo this AM while I would meet him on the other end where the back road meets up with a more vehicle friendly, wide gravel road.  Still, the route into Milford from Google maps left me with unease.  I had been easily fooled before and I am having a difficult time trusting anything that isn’t a main road. Along with unease of the route, I was really missing home and the comforts of Aaron significantly.  I feel blessed to be on this adventure but I can’t help but also want the warmth and embrace of those that I love.

Photo May 05, 3 18 41 PM

After Adam’s first 15 miles the road was wide and forgiving.  I sent up a quick “Thank you…and oh, by the way if You’re in a giving mood please let this be the type of road we have all the way to Milford, Amen” type of prayer.

Adam neared his last mile so I went to start up the generator to whip together his smoothie when all I got was a hard turn over and a putter-putter-putter.  The generator wouldn’t start. [Side note: for those of you non-RVers the only way to get electricity and running water while not hooked up to a source is the generator.  If that doesn’t work, we’re basically in a big car with couches and a bed.]

REALLY? REALLY GOD?!?! Why are you making this so hard??? Can’t something just work for ONE day? Please? Just give me a break!

After a few more tries, no luck, and a ham sandwich, Adam and I decided we would have to move the RV forward a day early to Milford, UT where he’ll be finishing on Wednesday.  A 2-hour drive was in our future if we wanted to have a hot meal and shower.  As we trudged down the road slowly but steadily, my mood lifted.  We were going some place.  We entered a legitimate paved highway and passed through towns that still had shops open and functional.  The closer we got to Milford, the lighter my mood got.  Safely in the city and set up nicely in their free RV park, I glowed as the RV came to life with electricity and running water. I stopped in the gas station. I talked to someone. I went to the library. I talked to more people. Adam and I taped some footage and scouted the route. It looked beautiful and drive-able. We went and ate greedily at the cute 50’s diner in town. It was excellent.  I was laughing and making jokes and was a drastically different person from the one earlier this morning, and even the one yesterday that missed home.

I suddenly realized that Adam and I, two very social people, had been literally road-side camping in the middle of nowhere desert towns for a week.  All either of us needed really was some civilization.  Sure, we were perfectly fine and accepting of our positions out on the open road, but personally I do feed off of interactions with other people.

Sitting at the diner Adam smiled at me and said, “Ya know…we wouldn’t be enjoying all of this right now if that generator had started…”

God -1, Ashley-1 (because when God’s in control, and you trust Him, you both win : ))



  • by ashleyk
  • posted at 7:49 PM
  • May 6, 2013